How to Talk to Your Parents About Estate Planning {Without Starting a Family Feud}

A guide for adult children who want to help their parents plan ahead—gracefully.

Talking to your parents about estate planning might feel awkward, invasive, or even a little morbid—but it doesn’t have to be.

In fact, starting the conversation early can prevent confusion, conflict, and crisis down the road. At The Pacella Law Group, we’ve worked with countless families who said, “I wish we had talked about this sooner.”

If you’re worried your parents don’t have a plan—or aren’t sure what they have—this guide is for you.

Why This Conversation Matters Now

As parents age, it becomes increasingly important to make sure their wishes are documented and legally protected. Without a plan in place, their assets, health decisions, and even guardianship of minor grandchildren could be decided by a court—not your family.

Here’s what can happen without proper planning:

• Delays and costs from probate court

• Family disputes over “who gets what”

• No clear guidance for medical or end-of-life decisions

• Vulnerability to scams, fraud, or elder abuse

• Potential loss of assets to long-term care expenses

By having this conversation now, you’re not overstepping—you’re protecting their legacy.

Step 1: Approach with Empathy, Not Urgency

This isn’t about pressuring your parents or taking over their decisions. It’s about helping them stay in control.

Try phrases like:

• “Have you had a chance to update your estate plan recently?”

• “I’ve been working on my own documents and wondered if you had any tips or recommendations.”

• “If anything ever happened, I’d want to be sure I could help handle things the way you would want.”

Approaching the topic with curiosity instead of criticism keeps the conversation respectful.

Step 2: Ask the Right Questions

Once the door is open, these are good questions to ask:

• Do you have a will or a trust?

• Have you designated someone to make medical or financial decisions for you if needed?

• Do you have a list of your accounts, insurance policies, or digital logins?

• Have you named a guardian for any minor grandchildren?

• When was the last time your plan was reviewed?

If the answer to most of these is “I’m not sure” or “It’s been years,” that’s a sign it’s time for an update.

Step 3: Focus on Them, Not the Inheritance

One of the biggest reasons parents resist estate planning conversations? They fear their children are only interested in the money.

Make it clear that your concern is about honoring their wishes, not dividing their things.

You might say:

• “This is really about making sure your healthcare and legacy are handled the way you want—not leaving it up to the courts or guesswork.”

• “We want to be prepared so we can carry out your wishes as smoothly as possible.”

Step 4: Offer to Help—But Don’t Push

If your parents are open to it, you can offer to help schedule a consultation or gather paperwork—but be patient. Estate planning is personal, and some parents need time to process.

When they’re ready, connect them with an attorney who’s experienced in guiding families through this process with care and clarity (we know a few ).

What a Solid Estate Plan Should Include

At a minimum, your parents’ plan should have:

• Revocable Living Trust (to avoid probate and preserve privacy)

• Will (including guardian designations, if needed)

• Durable Power of Attorney (for financial decisions)

• Advance Health Care Directive

• HIPAA Authorization

• A current asset list, including property, accounts, and life insurance

When to Bring in a Professional

The earlier, the better. A skilled estate planning attorney will:

• Identify legal gaps and risks

• Create a custom plan based on your parents’ wishes

• Ensure everything is legally enforceable

• Guide your family through the process without pressure or judgment

At The Pacella Law Group, we specialize in helping families protect what matters most—with a compassionate, planning-first approach.

You’re Not Alone in This

Helping your parents navigate estate planning is an act of love. It’s not always easy, but it’s one of the most important gifts you can give your family: clarity, peace of mind, and a plan that reflects their values.

We’re currently scheduling consultations for late August and September.

Let’s make sure your parents—and your family—are protected for whatever comes next.

The Pacella Law Group

5000 N Parkway Calabasas, Suite 219 

Calabasas, California 91302

Office: 818.614.9245 

Website: PacellaLaw.com